Life is up in the air right now more so than ever. College is ending and myself and everyone around me are all trying to figure out how to be a proper adult. Do we go to graduate school? Do we take a gap year? Do we get a "real" job? What does a real job even look like? And how on Earth are we supposed to pay for everything?
It's times like these that I need to calm down. I need to get back to what is really important in life and trust that everything is going to work out fine. It's times like these that I'm thankful for Spencer and this quirky little thing he likes to do that points me to a bigger picture.
We slow dance.
Whenever I have a day overcome with worry, Spencer can easily see it in my eyes if I haven't already expressed it verbally. He will make me stop whatever I'm doing, pick me up off the couch, and slow dance with me. Now, I'm not talking beautiful ballroom slow dancing; this is more like a swaying hug that might have occurred at a middle school dance. But it is perfect (and way better than middle school).
It's times like these that I am overwhelmed by the tangible piece of God's love that I have standing right in front of me. True love is kind of cool like that. It gives you a little window into the glory of heaven. I can't even imagine something more wonderful than Spencer's love and companionship, but the grace of the Lord makes even that look like nothing. Psalm 46: 10 says "Be still and know that I am God." Now, I guess our slow swaying hug isn't technically staying still, but this reminds me of what the Lord tells us to do. He says to stop what we are doing, throw all our worries away, and be still. Be still and bask in his presence. Be still and lay in his arms. Stop our mind for one second and let it empty of anxiety and be filled with His truth. HE HAS GOT THIS. He always has and always will.
So I find myself at an odd position. I kind of feel like I should be freaking out more; I feel like my mind should be filled with anxiety and worry, but I'm fine. I'm fine because I'm at peace. I'm fine because I know that He has something so massively wonderful in store for me. I'm fine because I'm slowly learning how to be still and know that He is God and He is good. He takes my hand in the dance and leads me slowly to His kingdom. That's all I need.
P.S: Thank you Spencer for showing Jesus to me everyday. You're the most perfect balance in this imbalanced world.
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Monday, July 13, 2015
The One About CHWC
I'm doing it. It's been over a week since I left, but I'm finally sitting down to write about my experience with Catholic Heart Work Camp. I served with CHWC for 4 weeks and it has done wonders for my heart. I am full, in a way I never have been before. I am focused on the heart of Christ. I am beyond amazed by the Lord. And I am ecstatic to get the chance to live in Him for the rest of my life.
CHWC has changed me once before, no, more like 7 times before. It has the ability to make you rethink everything, look at priorities, and bond with amazing servants of Christ. This changed me when I did it for one week each summer, so you can imagine what 5 weeks in this atmosphere did to me.
My favorite thing about being on staff was how much we focused on Christ and prayer. No decision was made without consulting Him. No skit or talk was given without prayer. Centering our lives on Jesus made such an exhausting job possible and worth it. Focusing on our purpose to love Him and show Him to campers, residents, and cities, kept me grounded on even the roughest of days. My life is forever changed by this. Everything works out with Jesus in mind. No disaster is truly the end of the world, no mistake ruins the camp, no issue cannot be solved. Jesus has a plan and it's great and works out way better than anything my minuscule mind can come up with.
Not only did I learn to consult Jesus every second of every day, but I also learned to be patient when things didn't go as I planned. Patience is a virtue, a very difficult virtue that is almost impossible to master. But thanks to the Lord's trusting plan and beautiful disciples He surrounded me with, I was able to become a little more patient, at least I think. If you remember, at the start of this whole experience I blogged about being stuck on a standstill plane for 2 hours on my way to Orlando and having absolutely no control over the situation. Jesus taught me about patience from the start of my trip and every single day He continued to do so.
I could never begin to describe every single thing I learned on this trip, but I think this about sums up the gist of it. Rely on Jesus and be patient while you're waiting. You've heard this a million times before, but take it to the extreme. I mean really rely on Him, really be patient in your waiting. Nothing is a coincidence, everything is meant to point you to His beautiful plan for you. Jesus wants to be with you. He wants to romance you every single day, which is one of the most incredible things in the world. The ruler, creator of the world seeks you, as if you were His only child. Ahhhh, amazing.
Thank you Jesus for this beautiful experience and for CHWC. I pray that it is your plan for me to continue serving with them in years to come. Thank you for the beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ that you planted in my life on Team 7bAe; words can't describe how seeing their hearts helped me to see yours as well. And thank you for the gift of your son, so that all of this is even possible. Your majesty, grace, and love overwhelm me; I love you <3
CHWC has changed me once before, no, more like 7 times before. It has the ability to make you rethink everything, look at priorities, and bond with amazing servants of Christ. This changed me when I did it for one week each summer, so you can imagine what 5 weeks in this atmosphere did to me.
My favorite thing about being on staff was how much we focused on Christ and prayer. No decision was made without consulting Him. No skit or talk was given without prayer. Centering our lives on Jesus made such an exhausting job possible and worth it. Focusing on our purpose to love Him and show Him to campers, residents, and cities, kept me grounded on even the roughest of days. My life is forever changed by this. Everything works out with Jesus in mind. No disaster is truly the end of the world, no mistake ruins the camp, no issue cannot be solved. Jesus has a plan and it's great and works out way better than anything my minuscule mind can come up with.
Not only did I learn to consult Jesus every second of every day, but I also learned to be patient when things didn't go as I planned. Patience is a virtue, a very difficult virtue that is almost impossible to master. But thanks to the Lord's trusting plan and beautiful disciples He surrounded me with, I was able to become a little more patient, at least I think. If you remember, at the start of this whole experience I blogged about being stuck on a standstill plane for 2 hours on my way to Orlando and having absolutely no control over the situation. Jesus taught me about patience from the start of my trip and every single day He continued to do so.
I could never begin to describe every single thing I learned on this trip, but I think this about sums up the gist of it. Rely on Jesus and be patient while you're waiting. You've heard this a million times before, but take it to the extreme. I mean really rely on Him, really be patient in your waiting. Nothing is a coincidence, everything is meant to point you to His beautiful plan for you. Jesus wants to be with you. He wants to romance you every single day, which is one of the most incredible things in the world. The ruler, creator of the world seeks you, as if you were His only child. Ahhhh, amazing.
Thank you Jesus for this beautiful experience and for CHWC. I pray that it is your plan for me to continue serving with them in years to come. Thank you for the beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ that you planted in my life on Team 7bAe; words can't describe how seeing their hearts helped me to see yours as well. And thank you for the gift of your son, so that all of this is even possible. Your majesty, grace, and love overwhelm me; I love you <3
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Thoughts I Had on a Stand-Still Plane
As I sit on a stand still plane waiting to take off (thanks
Orlando thunderstorms), I figured I would write my first blog post of the
summer. I’m going to try to do at least one post every week reflecting on what I learned that week about others, my God, and myself. Hopefully, you’ll stick along and join
me in this exciting time in my life!
These past few weeks have been incredibly hectic for me. I
was driving back and forth at least 3 times a week to teach dance in Blacksburg
while trying to prepare for CHWC. I stayed all last weekend in Blacksburg
preparing for recital with 9 ½ hour rehearsals and two show days. I wouldn’t change my life for the world, though, in fact, although
this week was hectic, it was one of the most rewarding weeks. I got to see
all of my students take the stage and take the stage myself for the first time
in almost 3 years (dancing still makes me whole).
I got stressed, though. Real stressed. I felt like I had no time to fully prepare myself for CHWC whether it be physically, mentally, or spiritually. But of course, I am surrounded by lovely amazing people who helped me stay level headed.
Thanks to my friends who went out of their way to come see
me this week or contact me to wish me good luck. Thanks to Spencer, who brought
me back down to Earth every time I got way more stressed than I should have (miss you already).
And thanks to my parents, who actively loved me like they always do by packing,
shopping, and helping me do everything possible to get ready; Ya’ll are my
rock and best friends!
I’m already learning so much. I’ve now been on a stand still
plane for 2 hours now (without food) and I think I’m already learning what this
summer is about. Trusting in Jesus and his plan. This sucks, honestly it does.
One of the most exciting days of my life and I’m sitting still with no idea as
to when I’ll be with the rest of my team. But I have no control and know that his plan is greater than mine.
Things will happen this summer that are 100% out of my
control, much like this, and I’m going to do my best to remain optimistic in the midst of those situations. Who
knows why I’m not in the air right now, but I know it’s for a reason, even if
it is just to teach me patience and trust for the next 5 weeks to come.
I’m still ecstatic beyond belief, though. I think arriving in
Orlando will be even more exciting for me now as I’ve waited longer than
expected for it. I just wish I wasn’t missing out on unlimited ice cream as
I’ve heard is being served…
So, bring it on Lord. I’m ready for all that you have to
teach me this summer. Even if it sometimes feels like I’m sitting on a stand
still plane with no ETA in sight.
PS: I ordered chex mix and a coke on the plane and the flight attendant didn't make me pay. She's an angel face! :P
Thursday, April 30, 2015
On Leaving HAE ):
Yesterday, I left HAE after an amazing year of interning. Of course, my children were the sweetest nuggets ever and gave me a huge stack of cards. Here are some of my favorite quotes from them :)
"Thank you for always hugging me in class. You always made me feel special!"
"Ms. Miller you have always been there for me and I will always be there for you."
"I am sorry you have to go, but you have been a good friend."
"I think you could be a real teacher someday."
Ugh, my heart. Instead of attempting to tell you everything that I've learned this year (which would be entirely impossible), I want to focus on the way it feels to be loved by a child, and at that, 42 of them.
I always laughed when my elementary teachers would look at my messed up art projects and say "Oh Maria, your parents will love whatever you give them because you made it!" Guys, this is so incredibly true. Yesterday, I received a ton of scribbled drawings, letters with misspelled words covering them, and even a duct tape bracelet. And my heart is SO FULL.
The fact that these kids took the time to make things for me completely overwhelms me. The fact that so many of them would not let go of me yesterday and kept telling me they were going to cry and would miss me so much completely overwhelms me. The fact that some shy kids, who I barely even knew recognized that I was in their classroom, wrote me the sweetest notes yesterday completely overwhelms me. That fact that I, little old me, made an impact in the lives of 42 children completely overwhelms me.
I poured so much time into these kids this year. I lost sleep over so many of them and came home worrying that the love I gave them would be all they may receive that day. And they noticed that. They knew that I adored them to the core and they knew that I had tried to be the most helpful, kind, loving student teacher they ever had.
It worked, it really truly worked. I made a mark on their hearts but oh how they have no idea what they have done to mine. I am so truly thankful that Christ has led me to teaching. I could not imagine doing anything else for the rest of my life. I am so thankful that He showed so much of himself to me through 42 little bodies this year. I cannot wait to have my own classroom where this impact can be multiplied even more!
My message to you today is to go spend time with a child. If you have never been impacted by a little one, I'm telling you, you are missing out. They will fill your heart and soul with so much love and happiness that you had forgotten existed in our world. They will show you the love of Christ in the most earthly fashion you may ever experience.
A lot of people lately have been questioning me on how I could ever tolerate working with children. This is honestly the strangest comment! I think of these kids, their smiles, their energy, their want to love and be loved, and I come to one conclusion...How could you tolerate working with adults? ;)
"Thank you for always hugging me in class. You always made me feel special!"
"Ms. Miller you have always been there for me and I will always be there for you."
"I am sorry you have to go, but you have been a good friend."
"I think you could be a real teacher someday."
Ugh, my heart. Instead of attempting to tell you everything that I've learned this year (which would be entirely impossible), I want to focus on the way it feels to be loved by a child, and at that, 42 of them.
I always laughed when my elementary teachers would look at my messed up art projects and say "Oh Maria, your parents will love whatever you give them because you made it!" Guys, this is so incredibly true. Yesterday, I received a ton of scribbled drawings, letters with misspelled words covering them, and even a duct tape bracelet. And my heart is SO FULL.
The fact that these kids took the time to make things for me completely overwhelms me. The fact that so many of them would not let go of me yesterday and kept telling me they were going to cry and would miss me so much completely overwhelms me. The fact that some shy kids, who I barely even knew recognized that I was in their classroom, wrote me the sweetest notes yesterday completely overwhelms me. That fact that I, little old me, made an impact in the lives of 42 children completely overwhelms me.
I poured so much time into these kids this year. I lost sleep over so many of them and came home worrying that the love I gave them would be all they may receive that day. And they noticed that. They knew that I adored them to the core and they knew that I had tried to be the most helpful, kind, loving student teacher they ever had.
It worked, it really truly worked. I made a mark on their hearts but oh how they have no idea what they have done to mine. I am so truly thankful that Christ has led me to teaching. I could not imagine doing anything else for the rest of my life. I am so thankful that He showed so much of himself to me through 42 little bodies this year. I cannot wait to have my own classroom where this impact can be multiplied even more!
My message to you today is to go spend time with a child. If you have never been impacted by a little one, I'm telling you, you are missing out. They will fill your heart and soul with so much love and happiness that you had forgotten existed in our world. They will show you the love of Christ in the most earthly fashion you may ever experience.
A lot of people lately have been questioning me on how I could ever tolerate working with children. This is honestly the strangest comment! I think of these kids, their smiles, their energy, their want to love and be loved, and I come to one conclusion...How could you tolerate working with adults? ;)
Monday, March 9, 2015
Things I'm Thankful For-March 2015
1. A wonderful man who is passionate about music and me
2. His wonderful sister who has invited me to stand beside her on her big day
3. Successful procedures that remind me to trust Christ and appreciate those I love
4. Really REALLY good burgers
5. The fact that my curls have finally decided to cooperate after 20 years of frustration
6. The chance for new beginnings and positive change
7. My parents...my parents...my parents (they are EVERYTHING)
8. A cousin who consistently calls while late night grocery shopping
9. The Avett Brothers and their humble honest music
10. The chance to, once again, see Christ's love through the eyes of children
11. CHWC and the idea that I get to travel the country this summer with some amazing people
12. Virginia Tech...because I've been away 4 days and already miss it
13. My awesome roommate and best friend who always has time for late night snacks and giggles
14. Really flowy clothes that feel like pjs and the fact that I can wear toms again
15. And finally, the opportunity to love everyone I come in contact with
Please let me know if you enjoyed this post, I don't count my blessings nearly enough <3
2. His wonderful sister who has invited me to stand beside her on her big day
3. Successful procedures that remind me to trust Christ and appreciate those I love
4. Really REALLY good burgers
5. The fact that my curls have finally decided to cooperate after 20 years of frustration
6. The chance for new beginnings and positive change
7. My parents...my parents...my parents (they are EVERYTHING)
8. A cousin who consistently calls while late night grocery shopping
9. The Avett Brothers and their humble honest music
10. The chance to, once again, see Christ's love through the eyes of children
11. CHWC and the idea that I get to travel the country this summer with some amazing people
12. Virginia Tech...because I've been away 4 days and already miss it
13. My awesome roommate and best friend who always has time for late night snacks and giggles
14. Really flowy clothes that feel like pjs and the fact that I can wear toms again
15. And finally, the opportunity to love everyone I come in contact with
Please let me know if you enjoyed this post, I don't count my blessings nearly enough <3
Monday, February 16, 2015
BIG NEWS
Hi everyone! I am so excited and honored to say that I am going to be on CHWC staff this summer. I get to travel to 4 different places to share the love of God and service with awesome campers and people in each community. I cannot believe this day is here, as I've wanted to be on staff since 2008. I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for my summer and am so happy he has led me here! Here's my video I made for my application; it's pretty much just me tripping over my words because I was so nervous but it tells you a little bit more about my passion for CHWC.
CHWC Video
Stay tuned...I plan to blog about my experience this summer :D
CHWC Video
Stay tuned...I plan to blog about my experience this summer :D
Sunday, January 11, 2015
BIG Things are Happening
This winter break has truly given me a chance to reflect on my life, where I am now, and where I intend to go from here. This may sound dramatic to many of you, but my life is about to speed up and possibly never slow down. Big things are starting to happen.
I am still trying to comprehend the fact that I'm a senior, who might be traveling the country this summer and by this time next year will hopefully know where I'm going to grad school. I'm taking standardized tests to become a teacher and thinking about being a substitute my semester off. I'm thinking about friends, relationships, and when I'm going to be able to find time (and the money) to marry the love of my life. I'm thinking about where I want to teach and how involved I want to be in my studio and what type of place I want to live in...
This is kind of my life right now. And even though some of these things seem so far away, the reality is that they're all going to happen within the next 2-3 years and my worries and thoughts are totally justified.
So in the midst of all of these huge things happening in my life, I find myself wanting control more than ever. Maybe if I can just make constant to do lists and plan out a timeline for my life I can figure it all out today or even tomorrow. I'd surely feel better if I knew where I wanted to live and teach and when this could all occur.
But, through all of this, I have learned one very important thing. Absolutely none of this is within my control. See, the time in my life when I want to have the most control and plan everything to a tee on my own is also the time when I'm going to have to give up total control to God.
We always say it, hear it, preach it: trust God, he will provide and he has a plan for you. But have I ever really done this? I honestly don't think so. So I come to the most transitional phase in my life and I have a million different ways that my life can pan out and I realize, I have to give up control. It doesn't matter how many scenarios I figure out or timelines I make in my silly little mind, because I truly believe my life won't happen the exact way that I plan it to. And I honestly don't want it to.
In my opinion, the most safe and comforting idea is not that I have it all planned out, but that He has it all planned out. I don't have to do this on my own. I don't have to figure out where to go to school or how to have enough money to get married. I know God wants me to be happy; He wants what is best for me. He will figure it out and I truly believe it will be more amazing than I could ever imagine.
It's scary not having control or knowing what's going to happen and having to find comfort in that. But I'm trying to do it, and I challenge you to do so as well.
I wish all of you a very happy new year and pray that we all surrender a little more to Christ.
I am still trying to comprehend the fact that I'm a senior, who might be traveling the country this summer and by this time next year will hopefully know where I'm going to grad school. I'm taking standardized tests to become a teacher and thinking about being a substitute my semester off. I'm thinking about friends, relationships, and when I'm going to be able to find time (and the money) to marry the love of my life. I'm thinking about where I want to teach and how involved I want to be in my studio and what type of place I want to live in...
This is kind of my life right now. And even though some of these things seem so far away, the reality is that they're all going to happen within the next 2-3 years and my worries and thoughts are totally justified.
So in the midst of all of these huge things happening in my life, I find myself wanting control more than ever. Maybe if I can just make constant to do lists and plan out a timeline for my life I can figure it all out today or even tomorrow. I'd surely feel better if I knew where I wanted to live and teach and when this could all occur.
But, through all of this, I have learned one very important thing. Absolutely none of this is within my control. See, the time in my life when I want to have the most control and plan everything to a tee on my own is also the time when I'm going to have to give up total control to God.
We always say it, hear it, preach it: trust God, he will provide and he has a plan for you. But have I ever really done this? I honestly don't think so. So I come to the most transitional phase in my life and I have a million different ways that my life can pan out and I realize, I have to give up control. It doesn't matter how many scenarios I figure out or timelines I make in my silly little mind, because I truly believe my life won't happen the exact way that I plan it to. And I honestly don't want it to.
In my opinion, the most safe and comforting idea is not that I have it all planned out, but that He has it all planned out. I don't have to do this on my own. I don't have to figure out where to go to school or how to have enough money to get married. I know God wants me to be happy; He wants what is best for me. He will figure it out and I truly believe it will be more amazing than I could ever imagine.
It's scary not having control or knowing what's going to happen and having to find comfort in that. But I'm trying to do it, and I challenge you to do so as well.
I wish all of you a very happy new year and pray that we all surrender a little more to Christ.
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