This winter break has truly given me a chance to reflect on my life, where I am now, and where I intend to go from here. This may sound dramatic to many of you, but my life is about to speed up and possibly never slow down. Big things are starting to happen.
I am still trying to comprehend the fact that I'm a senior, who might be traveling the country this summer and by this time next year will hopefully know where I'm going to grad school. I'm taking standardized tests to become a teacher and thinking about being a substitute my semester off. I'm thinking about friends, relationships, and when I'm going to be able to find time (and the money) to marry the love of my life. I'm thinking about where I want to teach and how involved I want to be in my studio and what type of place I want to live in...
This is kind of my life right now. And even though some of these things seem so far away, the reality is that they're all going to happen within the next 2-3 years and my worries and thoughts are totally justified.
So in the midst of all of these huge things happening in my life, I find myself wanting control more than ever. Maybe if I can just make constant to do lists and plan out a timeline for my life I can figure it all out today or even tomorrow. I'd surely feel better if I knew where I wanted to live and teach and when this could all occur.
But, through all of this, I have learned one very important thing. Absolutely none of this is within my control. See, the time in my life when I want to have the most control and plan everything to a tee on my own is also the time when I'm going to have to give up total control to God.
We always say it, hear it, preach it: trust God, he will provide and he has a plan for you. But have I ever really done this? I honestly don't think so. So I come to the most transitional phase in my life and I have a million different ways that my life can pan out and I realize, I have to give up control. It doesn't matter how many scenarios I figure out or timelines I make in my silly little mind, because I truly believe my life won't happen the exact way that I plan it to. And I honestly don't want it to.
In my opinion, the most safe and comforting idea is not that I have it all planned out, but that He has it all planned out. I don't have to do this on my own. I don't have to figure out where to go to school or how to have enough money to get married. I know God wants me to be happy; He wants what is best for me. He will figure it out and I truly believe it will be more amazing than I could ever imagine.
It's scary not having control or knowing what's going to happen and having to find comfort in that. But I'm trying to do it, and I challenge you to do so as well.
I wish all of you a very happy new year and pray that we all surrender a little more to Christ.
